Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
