Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
