That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
