Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
