if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
