i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
