I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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