Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
