I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
