Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
