1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
