TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
