So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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