i barfeds in our rink
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
