Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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