I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
