I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
