so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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