cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
