very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
