just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
