Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
