i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
