I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize