I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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