I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize