so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
