My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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