moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
