Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
