your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
