the condom got lost in my hair
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
