I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
