Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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