I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
