Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
