She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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