I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
