drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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