wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
