News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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