It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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