i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
