why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
