The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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