I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
