i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
