Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
