and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize