I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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