She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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