I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
