He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
