Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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