so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
