Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
