fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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