Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
