Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
