HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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