haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
