Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
