watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
