Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
