I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
