my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
