I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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