i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
